What is it?

The medical definition is the swelling of the breast tissue in men and boys due to a hormone imbalance. That last part of the sentence, “imbalance,” implies that there are a set of levels that are deemed to be normal. But in reality “normal levels” refers to the median value of a set of humans of a particular age and sex—meaning that there are people on the far ends of this spectrum that are not in the median range, but not abnormal.

Both men and women have hormones, they share some, and these hormones have ranges based on age, that produce masculine and feminine characteristics.

Hormone list that occurs in Men (M) and/or Women (W)
Testosterone. M, W.
Luteinizing Hormone (LH). M, W.
Estridiol. M, W.
Follicle-stimulating Hormone (FSH). M, W.
Prolactin. M, W.
Androstenedione. M, W.
Estrone. M, W.
Insulin-like Growth Factor 1. M.
Triiodothyronine. M.
Atrial natriuretic peptide. M.
Progesterone. W.
Estriol. W.
Thyroid hormones (TSH). M, W.
Gonadotropin-releasing hormone. W.
Anti-Müllerian hormone. W.

Men and women share more than half of the same hormones. At different levels they will produce different characteristics.

Some of us genetic differences muddy the hormonal mix. For example I have Klinefelters Syndrome, which means that my genetic makeup is a bit more complex than a standard male (XY) or female (XX). I am an XXY, which have been producing some differences since I was young. I have a very lean body, smaller sex organs, lack of full facial hair, and gynecomastia—there’s that word again…

Most of my breast growth happened during the summer of 2013 when the left side of my chest began hurting. Just prior to this change I was training hard to run my first ultramarathon—36 miles through the mountains of Vermont. It’s possible that the training, in part, caused some new hormonal changes. However I am not a doctor, and even my doctor couldn’t conclude ultra-training as a reason for the change.

Whatever the reason one side of my chest started aching, and was painful during running. So painful that the most immediate solution was to start wearing a sports bra. I was very self conscious during those first few months. I told close friends, and my girlfriend (now my wife), but otherwise tried to keep it on the DL. Being self-conscious about how I look, or more importantly how different I look, has plagued me since I was young. So being a man and wearing sports bra certainly didn’t help my anxiety.

Recently the right side of my chest has begun to ache, sometimes hurt. I can see from pictures that the right breast has swelled up a bit. Unfortunately the sports bras that have served me well for years are now coming up short. When ultra-training I carry a running pack that hugs my torso, causing pain. Also anytime I am in the prone position, on my stomach, during yoga I find myself in pain.

In trying to find a viable solution I turned to padded sports bras-with a specific type of pad as well.

This type offers padding and holds everything in a way that lets me do the activities that I love and help to ground me. But the unintended side effect of this is that my chest sticks out more than before—and I once again find myself being self-conscious. With the warmer weather coming loose shirts won’t be an option anymore. I am trying to accept the new look.

Being self conscious is normal, as humans we are usually very aware of our outward appearance. Some are also aware if we look very different. Those of us with anxieties are focused on a second something—how much others notice and stare at our differences. This is also normal.

As with my first foray in to the world of sports bras, I know I will eventually become comfortable with my newer look. Having the support of friends is key, as was finding my place within the larger Intersex community. Discovering this larger circle meant that my physical differences were shared by others and I was not alone. Different but not abnormal.