The Infinitus ultra races, for those that don’t know, is setup as a small 7-mile loop over Mt. Romance, followed by an additional 20-mile loop over Mt. Moosalamoo, in the mountains of Vermont. At the Ski Center by the Blueberry Hill Inn is where the camping area is located—Base Camp. This year I was amongst the 250 milers and had five days to complete this journey. I am also a barefoot runner, and this was my longest distance attempt yet.

This is a little bit different than a standard race report. Infinitus this year was my first race that was longer than two days. I wasn’t sure how my body or mind would handle things and at the end of each day I recorded a voice memo recalling the day’s events and feelings. These are those recordings:

 

Day 1: Tuesday, May 28

It’s 8 or 9pm. I’m in my camper, huddled inside my sleeping bag, accompanied by Ming—my bear. All I can say is that was such a hard day…

I started the day with a very conservative pace, trying for a 20 minute mile, but I ended up doing somewhere between a 21 and a 25 pace. In the last seven miles I picked up my speed a bit—partially because I had a pacer, and partially because I wanted to finish before dark. There was also the finger-numbing cold air that forced me to keep moving. If I didn’t move, I’d just die of exposure.

In the morning there was a forecast of rain, and temperatures in the mid 50s. In reality the temps never got above 40 degrees and winds of 20+ miles per hour. With frequent 30+ mile per hour gusts the windchills in the teens! What the fuck, its May?!?

I began at 8:08 AM wearing rain pants, a rain jacket, some light gloves, and a mosquito hat. After the first seven mile loop over Mt. Romance, I traded up for warmer accessories—a fleece balaclava, and fleece mitten gloves.

The trail conditions were rough—mostly mud, some dry patches, a few river crossings, and I was on my own for the first 20 miles, but I was moving. My good friend Fernando joined me for the last section of the 20-mile loop. Everything was going reasonably well until we had to climb on top of the dam at Sugar Hill Reservoir—wind and water pelted us in the face as it whipped across the lake. I held my hand to my eyes shielding me from the sideways rain, and a few times I felt my legs being blown off the ground. We rushed across as fast as our feet would take us. Any heat that I had in my body up to that point had been pulled out by the intense wind. This was insane weather! I could barely feel my fingers at this point. The fleece gloves were soaked, and the vinyl gloves underneath were constantly wet. We pressed on, only two miles left.

After finally arriving at Base Camp and walking into the Ski Center, Andy (the RD) rushed over and said I should sit down—he was nice enough to write in my check-in time. I sat in a chair for a good 10 minutes, hunched over in a way that water could stream off my rain gear. My fleece gloves dripped with water, as if they were faucets, and my ankles were shot. The cold had made them tighten up, and the mud forced my feet to move in ways I hadn’t really trained for. Even though I wanted to curly into a ball, I knew I had to keep moving, and get rid of these wet clothes. Upon hobbling back to the camper and found that one of the camper’s side windows had opened up due to the wind—likely because I forgot to lock it. Thankfully nothing was wet inside, but my “Morning Checklist” did blow away. I still had the “Pre-bedtime Checklist,” and the pace timetable—so not all was lost.

I was so tired after today’s run that I didn’t even bother doing the Pre-Bed checklist. I’ll deal with all of it in the morning. I have backup copies of my checklists on my phone.

For now I’m huddled inside the camper and inside the sleeping bag, and wearing a fleece hoodie footie pajamas—yes I own a pair. The wind is rocking the camper a bit side to side. But if it’s this windy tomorrow morning, I doubt that I’m going out. I can’t deal with this weather, I know my limits. The forecast says the wind will die down tonight, and the temps tomorrow will be in the 60s. I’m not sure I believe it.

I had a similar bad experience on the Bay Circuit Trail (BCT) recently, during a long training run. It was such a cold day, but this is easily five times worse. Looking at my feet, they are completely wrinkled, and the callouses feel immobile. As I flex my toes back, the skin struggles to stretch. Everything feels tight and inflexible.

If all the days were like this, I would be done today. The trails are probably 70-80% mud at this point—those are tough conditions.

Total distance: 27 miles

 

Day 2: Wednesday

I woke up this morning feeling like crap. Didn’t sleep well, went to bed around 10pm but couldn’t fall asleep until 1am because I was listening to the wind whipping the tarp that is splayed over the camper. I wondered when it was going to rip off completely—which didn’t happen, thankfully.

My alarm was set for 4 AM, but I slept right through that. I finally woke up around 7 AM and almost immediately my ankles were killing me. They were hurting and puffy last night, and this morning felt no better.

Having done a bunch of these big races before, I know that when my feet hurt the next morning, the best thing to do is to move them. Get the blood flowing and the muscles working. Move them in ways that they don’t really want to go. So, I got up and out of the camper, walked into the Ski Center. Helped my friend John fix his tent which broke in last night’s wind. Then I came back to hang out in the camper, took some Ibuprofen, had coffee, and ate breakfast. Eventually I warmed up enough where I knew I could get up and do part of the course. I wanted to do at least the 7-mile loop, but the full 27 was probably not in me. Part of that reasoning was because my daylight time was running short. If I started the 27 later than 8 or 9am there was a possibility that I would be running in the dark by the end, and I just didn’t want to do that. Nighttime running in deep woods such as these, is just not for me.

So I made a decision that today I would do just seven miles, and use the rest of the time to massage my legs, sleep, and get ready for the next day.

I began the 7 mile loop over Mt. Romance and my legs felt like trash, but as I moved through the forest things got better. Upon reaching one of the many mud pits I realized what type of motion was making my ankles hurt. As my foot sinks into the mud, I found that it was better to pull my foot out of the pit using my quads, rather than pushing off with my calves. That made my ankles feel better. So I continued down the trail using my quads and glutes more intentionally.

When I got back to the Ski Center after the 7-mile loop I seriously thought about going for another 20, even though I told myself earlier that I wouldn’t. I marked my time in—which was about three hours and then forced myself back to my camper to consult my timetable. Figuring out my pace, and projecting that forward to see when I might be ending the 20-mile loop was key to good decision making. Best and worst case scenarios put my end time at 9 or 10pm—so the 20-mile loop was not going to happen today, again because I don’t enjoy night time running.

I stayed put, and took a shower for the first time in days. I’m going to hang out in the camper, have some water, a little food, have dinner in the Ski Center later on, and that’s it. Tomorrow morning I want to start at 6am, that’s Thursday. Head down to the 20-miler, and hope to get back to Base Camp by 4pm to meetup with my crew, and have a pacer for another 7-mile loop in the afternoon.

And then see what Friday and Saturday hold. Im hoping I can do 27’s on Friday and Saturday, but we’ll see what happens.

Total distance: 34 miles

 

Day 3, Thursday

I had a plan. I set an intention for myself for today—do the 20-mile loop, then do 7-mile loop.

Having had such a bad weather day on Tuesday, and then dealing with achy, unhappy ankles on Wednesday, I told myself I would wake up early, go through my checklist, and get going by 6am.

The sky was still dark when my alarm went off. I laid in my sleeping bag for about a half hour, until I heard stirrings from other tents—now it was time to get up and run through my checklist

By 5am I was sitting up in my camper, about half dressed, but still wearing socks and shoes. I still felt like hell, and my legs were not happy to be moving about. I really wondered why I was doing this—this race. Why was I putting myself through this. It’s because I want to test myself and the limits of my endurance. There’s something that I want to do next year and this is, in part, a test for that.

Part of my routine was listening to Bobby Collins albums on my phone—and after about 20 minutes of laughs I was ready to rock! I emerged from my camper and got a little nod and a, “Good luck out there today, Su,” from my friend John Spelko. That put a little spring in my step—something nice to hear from a friend. John was on Day 8 of his Deca-Marathon—a marathon a day for 10 days.

I started out running down into Elsie’s swamp, and it felt phenomenal. It was sunny and warm, and I was running. Life was good, as was my mood, and I was happy to be out there! Picked up my pace a bit too.

I talked to myself a lot more, mainly to help pass the time. There was a vocal, out loud conversation from the start of Elsie’s loop to about halfway up Mt. Moosalamoo—9-ish miles worth. Conversations about everything from how well I was doing, to what I was trying to accomplish, to problems I was trying to figure out. But right around mile 9 everything stopped—speech, thought, emotions, tactile sensations, all of it. I was still moving steadily, hiking up the Moose. I could feel my place in nature and all of the living things in the forest around me, but there was nothing else, it’s hard to describe. I’ve experienced this before, and it’s something I refer to as Emotional State Zero—a completely meditative state that only happens when I’m running long races.

I stayed in this state for the next 3 miles or so—about an hour.

At the bottom of Mt. Moosalamoo, Fernando met me at checkpoint 2. We chatted, and he was happy that I was happy!

The last seven of the 20-mile loop were once again slow, I was okay with that. My original plan was that I would be joined by my pacer for a seven mile loop over Mt. Romance. But because I had picked up my speed during the day, I came in to Base Camp before my crew arrived—or so I thought. As I was about to leave for my last loop of the day, my crew showed up! And I was fortunate to have a walk over and down Mt. Romance with my friend Galen.

By the end of the day I was happy that I stayed running, and that my crew, including my wife had arrived.

As I lay in the camper at the end of the day I couldn’t imagine getting up to do Elsie’s loop again in the morning. But I have a goal. I want to do 27 tomorrow and the next day. But at the very least a 20, a 7, and then another 20 over the next two days.

Today was really good, having a good time out there on my own. It was also really sunny out which always makes me feel great! Tomorrow morning will be tough again though, and that’s okay.

Total distance: 61 miles

 

Day 4: Friday

The day started with me waking up at 4:30am, and going through my checklist just like the day before. Having a set of tasks to do in the morning has been really helpful. This way I am not stressing about forgetting something before setting out. The day started on Elsie’s loop with Lauren as my pacer. Through the mud, the swamp, and two river crossings we walked the whole way. My goal today was 27 miles, the big loop then the small loop.

We talked a bunch which was sweet and nice, I don’t typically get to spend that much time with her. At checkpoint 1 Galen joined me for the trip over the Moose. He did a great job at alerting me when runners were approaching us from behind. At 8:08 am this morning the hundred milers had set out, and it was during our trip down Mt. Moosalamoo that the front of their pack caught up to us.

At the bottom was checkpoint 2, coming in just a few minutes before our crew. Since there was a new race starting, it also meant there were many more people at this aid station than the previous 3 days, it was like a party.

Setting out on the last seven miles of the big loop, John became my pacer. I hurt more at this point, both knees and one of my calves were aching. This last section of the 20 miler was really frustrating for me. My left calf kept feeling like it wanted to cramp up completely. I tried drinking water and Tailwind but it was just going through me. I ate an epic bar hoping that something salty would mean I could retain the water, but it didn’t help. Just after the dam, we pulled over and sat for a bit at the bus station thing—it’s not actually a bus station, but there is a bench with a small covering over it. If it was on a city street, you’d think it was a bus station too. I sat there and massaged my calf, in the hopes that it wouldn’t cramp in the next 2 miles to Base Camp.

Using a little technique that my wife showed, I figured out that when I pushed off with toes my calf wanted to tighten up. Heading out again I tried to land on my mid foot, and not push off on my toes—which was challenging.

As we approached Base Camp, I radioed in to Sarah to let her know what was going on, and that I really needed something salty. I also asked who my next pacer was—hoping it was Lauren. This is mainly because I appreciate Lauren’s medical background, or as Galen says, “body-school,” when I’m having muscle issues.

Arriving at Base Camp, I had a meal and a bunch of salt. Both Sarah and I massaged my calf, and I downed some Ibuprofen and water. Ann was nice enough to refill/remix my Tailwind—and even offered me use of her shower at the Blueberry Hill Inn room after I was done.

After a bit of sitting and eating, Lauren and I headed out to climb Mt. Romance once more. Even as we walked just behind the Blueberry Hill Inn I had a sinking feeling that this would prove to be a bad idea. My calf was still feeling rough, I kept drinking water and Tailwind, and even a few pinches of sea salt from a jar I took with me. Climbing up the ascent, slowly and with some thought we eventually made it to the top. At the top a funny thing happened, my calf loosened up! It wasn’t tight anymore, and I was also keeping down water. Some combo of the salt, Ibuprofen, and food worked!

On our way down we saw Jennefer Paquette, she was out doing a 7-mile loop to take a break from photographing the race. When I saw her running down the mountain that got me inspired to start running, and ran every dry section! I kept having to adjust my gait, forefoot, mid foot, just to keep muscles from aching, but we were moving again.

Lauren mentioned several times how amazed she was that I was running, especially after how I was feeling at the last stop. And also how much better I was faring from last year’s attempt—she recalled how terrible my mood had been. The biggest difference this year was that I had been able to sleep more. I also had a better attitude, maybe it was because I wasn’t beating up myself about lack of mileage. Instead I focused on running whatever I could do, and just go as long as I felt was possible.

When we got back to Base Camp again, it was nice to take a shower in an actual bathroom. Afterwards was a quick dinner, a beer, and then right to bed. Sleeping was fine until I woke up at midnight-ish to the sound of the 100-mile crews yelling across camp.

Last day tomorrow!

Total distance: 88 miles

 

Day 5: Saturday

By 4 AM I was officially awake. Truthfully I hadn’t fully rested the night before. Overnight the 100-milers were in the middle of their race and Base Camp had a different feel to it. Many times through the night I could hear crews yelling back and forth to their runners. It was much louder in camp than the previous nights.

But today was the last day! Woke up, got coffee, got stuff together, and set an intention:

I’m running at least the 20 mile loop today. If I get in early I’ll do another 7. And whatever my final mileage, I’m going to keep walking until my GPS shows a whole even-number.

I wanted to to this because, Alex, my friend who got me into ultra running, loves even numbers. We all have little fun things about ourselves—this is her fun thing. So as a tribute to her, I wanted to make sure I end on an even number.

Started with John for the first part, and Lauren for the second part. John and I chatted about relationships as we hurdled the mud pits along Elsie’s Loop. And I got to tell my favorite stories, which revolve around how my wife and I met.

During the time I was with Lauren, on the climb over Moosalamoo, Fernando and Amy walked with us for a bit before passing us. Fernando, who had paced me on the last frigid seven miles on my first day, was at the tail end of his 100-miler and Amy was his pacer. Just after the top of the mountain, my GPS buzzed at me signaling that I had hit 100 miles. A distance I have tried for many times and never achieved. Most people finish a 100 miles at a finish line, but not me. This was my view at the century mark:

But this describes me pretty well too—for me 100 miles is just a random number. People ascribe an artificial value to it and put it on a pedestal as an important target. 99 miles takes just as much effort as the 100, but the latter is celebrated, and the former looked at as falling short. I don’t see it that way, and I keep on walking.

A short while later on the downslope TJ found us, and walked with us for a bit toward the aid station. We talked about the trail, the conditions, and how we were all feeling.

After the aid station, Sarah joined me for the last 7 miles. We talked a lot. At some point Ann passed us, feeling better than when Sarah last saw her. I think seeing her so happy, and running, made both of us feel better. Aside from the onslaught of bugs, it was a great day to be running through the woods!

When I came in I was still walking, Ann made sure I went through the “finish” gate, even though officially I would DNF this race. By the end my GPS was at 109.45 miles, and kept walking until I hit 110 miles.

 

There were many during these last 5 days where I knew I was feeling better than my previous attempts—even after the frigid day. Last year was a difficult time, as was the year before. During both I was in a bad headspace and dealing with a lot of injuries. Lauren had said she liked that I was taking more time to do the race, and listening to what my body needed. I really appreciated that.

When I signed up for the 250, I never had the intention of finishing it. I’m slow runner, and I don’t do well with running at night in deep woods. I took this event as a way to give myself a lot of time where I would have the opportunity to sleep and rest. I also assumed this would be my last time at Infinitus. The first two times were tough and not super enjoyable. But this time through I had more time to process what my body was telling me, and how to respond to it. Distance has always been secondary for me, my main goal at a race is to enjoy the experience.

Today as I approached the Blueberry Hill Inn for the last time, I knew I wanted to come back next year. I wanted to see if I could improve in some way, either mileage or pace or just the experience.

This was an awesome day!

Total mileage: 110 miles