Intersex awareness day is the 26th of October. As far as I know I am the only intersex person in my family.

Past generations. In May I participated in my first ever Hindu funeral service for my father. Where we honored him, his father, and his father’s father. The lineage of male members of the Mittra line.

I didn’t know anything of my great grandfather. Grandfather was a lawyer and worked in the High Court of Kolkata. His son, my father, held a PhD in Mathematics and was accomplished in the field of Computer Science. He was a lover of language and grammar, a teacher, and believed in equal rights for the LGBT (as it was called back then) community.

His offspring….

Here’s where things get muddy. His offspring, me, isn’t a son or a daughter and the wording isn’t really present in our language to describe me. In a culture that had adamantly claimed there were only two sexes, an Intersex person lacks descriptors.

It’s muddy also because I grew up knowing not to be proud of any accomplishment. In our Indian household pride of oneself was complacency and it would ultimately lead to failure. Achievements were seen as steps to something greater.  Internalizing that axiom I undercut my own talents. Had my father passed away 20 years ago, I would have referred to myself as his “son,” who hadn’t achieved anything meaningful and shouldn’t be included in a retrospect of generations.

But in two decades I have come to understand that my silence was my failing. Small accomplishments are to be celebrated as it leads to belief in one’s own abilities. Complacency happens when you think a plateau is the top of the mountain. And that language and definitions are constantly evolving.

My father’s offspring is a Landscape Contractor, building her business from scratch and flourishing for 16 years now. Out of her own desire to connect with people like her, she created a running group that teaches the importance of community over competition. And recently helped found a group advocating for LGBTQIA+ rights in the fitness community.

Being Intersex doesn’t hinder me, nor am I a blight in the line of my family. I am honored to be part of them, and hope to teach others that come after me.